Introduction

Well, it’s official. I am a proud resident of __________, an apartment complex nestled against the ass-side of the Hollywood Hills, nicely squished between fit, filmmaking cheeks: Studio City (home to Universal Studios) and Burbank (home to many, including Warner Bros). I, along with three roommates, two of which are filmmaking buddies from UCLA and another, their former roommate, were immediately excited over the complex’s unique amenities and spacious living accommodations. It was the first place we could find that offered parking for all four of us living in the apartment. No brainer.

Further along in the process, we also discovered we’d enjoy a decent discounted rate for rent since we were willing to sign on to an unfurnished unit for a leasing term of 12 months. Typically, we found out, tenants lease anywhere from a few weeks to about three months.

“Pilot season,” the leasing clerk said, insinuating that we would automatically infer her meaning.

Upon further personal research, her “pilot season” remark indicates a period of time each year when a large herd of aspiring actors, models and musicians flock to Hollywood to be “discovered” and to get their “big break” in titles that translate as “Brechtian Workplace Comedy Where the Lead White Male Can See Through Women’s Clothes” or “Let’s Watch 30 year old’s Play Teenagers Going Through Puberty”. You might not recognize shows like this because – well – they rarely make it to your TV. Pilot season illustrates a model of television production where networks spend millions making the first episodes of dozens of potential shows, temporarily employing a gazillion new actors and filmmakers, and then cutting 99% of them in favor of anything starring Rob Lowe.

This signals a great flight of burgeoning actors, many of which are in the age range of 10-25 years old (of course“18-25 year old men” is the demographic at which most TV is targeted, just in case you ever tire of Doritos Commercials or soft-core Carl’s Jr. ads”). Now, where’s an aspiring, 14 year-old Minnesotan Thespian to live amidst the hustle and bustle of Hollywood during pilot season? You guessed it. So much so, that this complex has famously been the temporary home to such American treasures as: Jennifer Love Hewitt, Neil Patrick Harris, Jessica Biel and then a lot of people you or I have never heard of.

And so here we are. Discounted rate. Pool. Hot tub. A parking spot you don’t have to murder for. Oh. And “300 child actors and their moms” a year. Not to mention the dozens of musicians whose greatest idols are Nirvana and The Fray and whose aspirations go so far as hoping their songs will go over the “I don’t think I can forgive you for kissing my sister” part of any CW show. Furthermore, __________ boasts an unmatched proximity to the New York Film Academy, so it welcomes quite a few student filmmakers as well.

So I’ll say it again. Here we are.

Without wearing out this, my first-ever blog-post, I’ll let you in on the whole plan. I moved in a week ago. I’ve walked the grounds…maybe twice. Even in my few, brief encounters so far, I’ve discovered a treasure trove of storytelling potential that, in my humble opinion, the world deserves to take part in. Many, lesser people, don’t have the privilege of living in the hub of America’s favorite industry. No! Not mattresses! ENTERTAINMENT!

So over the course of my 12-month lease, I will collect my encounters and observances in weekly blog-posts and share them with you. I’m still brainstorming format and other forms of media I can use to bring this important content to you, so keep your eyes peeled. Since I’ve exhausted this post with necessary exposition, I’ll post a-fresh tomorrow with the first of, what I’m hoping turns into, many compelling human interest stories.

I should mention here that my goals for sharing these stories are innocent and intentionally satirical. I must recognize that I am a part of a generational and occupational culture that has built and filled the __________’s of our days. After all, I am a currently unemployed filmmaker, a closeted-actor and, dare I say it, a mildly recreational musician. If anything, I hope this record highlights some of the unique difficulties young people in this field face daily. I don’t necessarily dream that this blog blows up into a “Humans of New York”-type popularity, but that’s just the reaction the public usually has to my work. Check out my Youtube page. I’ve got almost a hundred views.

Regarding my choice to use “__________”; the blank space indicates the name of the apartment complex. A quick google search using some of the details from this post could reveal the name of the complex; however, I’ve neglected to mention it here in order to protect its identity. I want to make sure the focus of my collection remains on recording stories and not commenting upon the existing conditions of the place I currently call home.

Finally, I used the Wu-Tang name generator online to create a pseudonym, under which I will write. This is for my coolness and safety. And because my roommates said they “want no part of this” and they want me to “stop coming in here while I’m taking a shower.

X-Cessive Bandit